The 2017 Olives

Every gaming site worth its salt needs an annual awards show, and since I actually played games that came out last year (for once), I would like to cordially welcome you to the first-ever Olive Awards!

Now, you may notice that there are some oddities.  First off, some of the traditional categories like “Best Exclusive” or “Best Action/Adventure Game” are missing.  The short reason?  My show, my rules.  The longer reason?  Some of the categories simply aren’t what I consider to be particularly interesting.  Plus, in a lot of cases, I only got a chance to play one or two games in a given genre this year; not much of a contest if there’s literally only one competitor, right?

Another difference is that many categories have multiple winners.  This is simply because I suck at making decisions, and I’d rather acknowledge a selection of outstanding examples in a particular category than try to choose an ultimate winner.  Besides, that sort of thing just tends to piss people off, so why bother?

Lastly, if the selection of games being discussed seems limited, it’s because I’m only talking about games that I played this year.  Many of them I covered, though there are some exceptions.  Regardless, let me just say that yes, Cuphead is bloody beautiful; yes, Super Mario Odyssey looks really freaking fun; and yes, Divinity Original Sin 2 seems like the kind of game that I could lose myself in for days.  Happy?  Let’s hope so, because the show starts now!

An Ode to Plague Road (GameSpew)

Come and sit down; I’ve a tale to tell,
Of a game whose mechanics were boring as hell.

It was quite the looker; the work put in showed,
Yet no joy was present while travelling Plague Road.

The menus seemed like those for mobile devices,
As though the game had an identity crisis.
It seemed to be built to be played on the go,
Where perhaps the repetitiveness wouldn’t show.

Instead, it was ported, so haphazardly,
To Vita, PlayStation 4, and also PC.
I found all too quick did monotony creep,
And before long, the game had me falling asleep.